she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
