i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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