just tell him i said nine months
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
