I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Green mimosas i think yes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
