Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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