he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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