i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
