I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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