I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
