I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
