where am i from again
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
