Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
