Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
