I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
