just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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