I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
