It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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