throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
