do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
