I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
