there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
