i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
