Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
