Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize