New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
