I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
