come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
