y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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