i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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