Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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