You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
