I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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