And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
