if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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