I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
