my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
