I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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