so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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