k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
