He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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