I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
