Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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