Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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