My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
