party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
