I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
where are my eyebrows?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
