before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
