i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
