is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
