1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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