he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
