I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
