we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
