apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
