I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
