He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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