The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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