You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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