He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
