I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
