what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
