the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
