just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
