I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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